itsaharshworld from Philippines, 17 years old.

first time i saw the post for the contest i told myself: "how about joining?", but then this little voice in my head said:
sure, but how about all the things you have to do?
it won't take me that much time now, would it?
who knows, you really wanna try?
well, yeah
with the pile of work you haven't done yet, when are you going to enter the contest then?
well, how about after i do what i'm currently doing? think of it as a break from work ne...
you sure? you've been saying the same thing like "after i'm done with this, i'll do..." but you never did do them...
how can you be hard on me! this is Shoon we're talking about! it's a whole different thing!
whatever you say...
i'll do it no matter what!
what if you run out of time again like all the other things you wanted to do?
no, this is different i said...i'm going to enter the contest if it means sacrificing some time for it
stop talking to me then and continue that will you? it's due tomorrow
ganbarimasu!
one more thing, though: why?
why what?
why do you want to join? sure there's the prize but i don't think your the kind of person who's driven by something like that
haha! really? well, you do know me better than any one else...
answer me then...
well....it's Shoon, it's all about spreading the Shoon love ne
that's it?
what, you've got a problem with that?
well, i think you want to join because you just want to have a break from school
of course i want a break from school, mostly from the people there but this is all for Shoon okay? now shut up and let me work.

..........

yep, i talk to myself... a lot... i think it's been keeping me sane all this time :)so, i continued doing some school work... a day passed... another... another... another... until i forgot all about the contest... then came this day...

i'm feeling somewhat down because i failed to perform my responsibilities properly and i had to pay for it today (i think...). i keep telling myself i'm not sad, i'm not down, and all that but my heart feels heavy (literally) for some reason i'm not really sure of because feeling this way is something seldom for me.

sure i was scolded by a lot of people today and i had to apologize to a lot of people too, but then, something like this doesn't usually make me sad. on my way home, i found myself hoping i'd find a full bottle of brandy in the cupboard where my dad usually keeps them (i'm 17, i know...) and i did find an unopened one but i ditched the idea so i went straight to my room...

i laid on my bed for i don't know how long, i still have a lot to do but i can't bring myself to sit up and start doing them... then i remembered a hobby i've stopped doing for about a year now ~ drawing... i used to draw when i feel down so i thought of doing a quick sketch... every time this stressful day threw something at me, i thought of Shoon and somehow, hope came... yep, i felt as if Shoon was actually there cheering me on ("go on!")... thinking of how i went through the day with him in my mind, i started sketching... [click on the picture to see it full size]

i remembered the contest and checked it again... the theme is "give me a reason". i ditched all the work i should be doing right now...i don't care... it's about time i do something i want to do... so here's mine:

Shoon is just great. Words, images, nothing could definitely describe why he is such (this is something not so new right?). but what makes him different from others is his "realness". "realness" because even if he's far away and the chances of me actually meeting him is as bare as my social life (:]), when i'm down, i feel as if he's near, and that nearness gives me a ray of hope to stand up and start again (and i'm sure i'm not the only one in this fandom who feels like this).

i fangirl over other idols, whom i know more about Shoon, but his "realness" makes me feel like i don't have to know him more...his smiles, his charm, and that's it... yeah, all the way from Japan, i feel him here... he exists not just in my mind but in real life...just around me, always cheering me on... i've never felt someone who is so far away, someone who doesn't even know i exist, be so solid and true... he's real, his mere existence makes me go on, and that's all the reason i need...

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see?, told you i'd have time for the contest
sure, but you wasted a lot of time on it... you could've finished your commercial an hour ago, that's due wednesday, you know
my time wasn't wasted...i'd love to devote my time for Shoon... i love him... and i'm not the only one who does :)
whatever